I’ve had sugar water going into my arm for over 12 hours. All I want to do is exercise. I haven’t worked out in almost 24 hours. It’s time to work out. I need to move! I need to burn off this fat! I just want to cry.
I can’t even walk up and down the hall because I’m classified at “out of bed with assist”. They won’t even let me use the walker to move around.
Yesterday I went for an evaluation for eating disorder treatment. I got five minutes into the assessment when the admissions coordinator called for a nurse to take my vitals. Apparently they weren’t good because he then asked for permission to call the NP whose care I’ve been under. He ushered me to another room while he talked to her. About five minutes later, he returned and told me that he wanted to call an ambulance to send me to the ER. After a 20 minute battle, the ambulance arrived and I found myself in the ER.
Symptoms include: weakness, dizziness, dehydration, low blood sugar, dropping blood pressure, and nausea.
I haven’t received a diagnosis yet, since I haven’t seen a doctor, other than the admitting doctor last night. I know what caused it, but I still didn’t see this coming. I didn’t think it was this bad. In the ambulance my blood sugar was like 49. Apparently, that’s not good. I also have high keytones in my urine (sorry, gross I know), which is also not good.
At least now my blood pressure is stable. I have been on a glucose IV since about 4:00 yesterday. They changed it to one with glucose and potassium this morning since apparently my potassium was low too. So, we’ll see what happens when the doctors start coming.
Spending the night with cuffs on my legs that squeezed them every so many seconds to stimulate blood flow (so I didn’t get a blood clot) and an IV in my arm, was not very conducive to sleep.It also gave me a little time to think. This whole time, I’ve been thinking “It won’t happen to me.” and “I’m just fine.” I’m not fine. This stupid eating disorder put me in the hospital. My body is malnourished. It is screaming for help, sort of like a little voice in my mind. This lifestyle is in no way normal. This lifestyle is in no way healthy.
I can’t eat in public. I haven’t eaten more than 500 calories in a day in weeks. I haven’t had a day where the calories consumed was greater than the calories exercised in over a month. My body is running on empty. I looked at the food menu to try to order breakfast this morning and had no idea what to order. Nothing sounded good, nothing was a “good food”. I don’t even know what a proper meal looks like. I need to change. I just wish I had an idea of how to do it.
“The one thing that used to annoy me is when a character never changes. Like Bill Cosby is always the same. I went to the writers and said that I wanted my character to have a beginning, middle and an end. And some of the changes are most evident in his ridiculous hairstyles.”